


Hot Spring Revelations

by EpicMickeyX



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Background Relationships, F/F, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Hot Springs & Onsen, Intersex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 07:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25466983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EpicMickeyX/pseuds/EpicMickeyX
Summary: *OOC Merlin, Gender Themes and Discussions* Very Mild though, it's not too serious.Ao3 Mobile won't let me do Original Tags, I Will add more later.With Shuten's Pagoda comes Hot Springs, with Hot Springs comes the rare chance to relax and unwind for a moment longer than just a second.Ritsuka's Servants are excited and readily enjoying the Hot Springs...except for one particular Caster. Which is worrying, considering it's Merlin and out of all the Servants, Merlin is probably the most likely to fully enjoy the Springs.So what's up?
Relationships: Fujimaru Ritsuka/Mash Kyrielight | Shielder
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Hot Spring Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short oneshot of I guess some self indulgent Headcanons for Merlin? 
> 
> He needs some TLC, I know he's OOC but knowing he doesn't experience emotions as normal it's like he's putting on an act, right?
> 
> Please excuse any typos, I am on Mobile and Google Docs is rough with the spellchecking.

* * *

Ritsuka paused, mere moments away from stepping outside into the strange singularity full of lush bamboo groves and bubbling hot springs. Mash paused as well, turning to face her friend with a curious smile,

"Senpai?" The young woman in question was focused in on one particular servant, seemingly hesitant to leave the house that had become a temporary base of sorts while the Pagoda was being dealt with. The Mage of Flowers was sat primly on a cushion, idly playing with the handle of a teapot while it steeped. 

"...go on ahead without me, I'll join you in just a moment ok?" She smiled reassuringly when Mash looked conflicted; 

"Don't worry, I just want to check in with Merlin. I would think if anyone wanted to enjoy the baths it would be that lazy bum." She teased quietly and Mash giggled.

"Alright, I'll save you a spot." The Shielder grinned and proceeded on without her, running over to Martha who had spotted her and waved her over. Ristuka relaxed a little, glad that someone had invited Mash to join them before she turned her attention back to the Caster. 

"Afternoon Merlin, will you be joining us at the hot springs?"

"'Fraid not. Hot springs aren't really my thing, Master." Ritsuka snorted, fixing him with a look. 

"Unfortunately I am inclined to disagree, hot springs seem exactly like your sort of thing." Ritsuka huffed, setting a cushion next to his and plopping down unceremoniously.

"I forget you've met me on more than one occasion." Merlin teased fidgeting with his robes while he waited for the tea.

"Right. So...what's the real reason you're not enjoying this rare treat?" 

"...I'm worried I would make all the other servants feel inferior with my...assets." he grinned wickedly, expecting Ritsuka to flush a million shades of red. His grin fell when she remained unchanged, looking worried as she watched him.

"...ah...you're being serious." He grunted and Ristuka nodded.

"I want to make sure everything is ok. If another servant is causing a problem you can tell me and will sort it out." She offered prompting Merlin to chuckle dryly. 

"Nobody is causing me grief, Master. I'm Merlin. I've received nothing but respect from most of your posse...I'm afraid this is more a Me problem." He explained. Ritsuka frowned,

"Would you like to talk somewhere more private?" She asked, watching Cu Alter stalk past, tail dragging behind him as Medb fretted over him, irritable at the separate baths rule.

"Traffic is a little high through here so let's go to my sleeping quarters, Mash won't be back till later." Ritsuka stood, gesturing for him to follow. He complied and once the tea was set up in her room and cups generously filled, he sat at the table and stared. Ritsuka waited patiently, he would talk when he was ready but she had to admit it was concerning to see the Mage of Flowers hesitate.

"This body is wrong." He blurted looking conflicted. 

"Wrong…? As in...you've manifested incorrectly?" Ritsuka ventured.

"No. I manifested correctly but this body is always wrong."

"...ok...can you help me understand?" Ristuka set her tea down and scooted closer, offering her hand if he wanted to take it. 

"I'm…" he grunted "I'm wrong. Humans call those of similar issue, Hermaphrodites." The word was practically forced out. Ritsuka blinked and elected to take his hand anyway, squeezing gently.

"That's a very old term. Not widely accepted now. Intersex. That's what humans use scientifically. I think it sounds nicer too." She murmured and Merlin scoffed,

"Does it matter? I'm wrong. I doubt other males would be comfortable in the bath."

"Why do you think that?" 

"...I don't know."

"Are you uncomfortable with others seeing you?" Ritsuka asked; Merlin shrugged,

"I-...I've never had an issue before. I'm comfortable in this body, it suits me. I like it but right now...I feel wrong." He tsked,

"Usually I'm much more articulate. More jovial too. I would love to participate in the hot springs but the idea of being around a bunch of naked men is strange. Normally that would excite me…"

"I see…" Ritsuka frowned and stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. 

"You don't emote like humans do, right?"

"Right. As a half-Incubus, I feed off humans. I use your dreams and feelings to emote properly...but I have never experienced this. I don't care about gender, or that my body is wrong...I never have." 

"Until now. Maybe...you're not worried about others seeing you. But seeing others. Have you ever seen a naked man before?" 

"Eh?" Merlin glared at her, looking scandalized with a soft tint to his cheeks.

"Because seeing a 'proper' man...it would only further implement the idea that your body is wrong. It's not wrong, just different. But you think it's wrong." 

"...only recently."

"Since this singularity started?"

"...yes"

"So. What can we, as Chaldea, do to help you feel comfortable?"

"This shouldn't matter, this is insignificant to your goals, my perceived happiness isn't important."

"It's important to me." Ritsuka stated, as if the answer was so simple. 

"...I don't want others to think I'm being given special treatment."

"It's an accommodation. It's not fair if you don't get to participate at all because you're feeling uncomfortable sitting in the men's bath."

"But I am a man!"

"I know." Merlin froze, face scrunched in frustration. Ritsuka waited,

"I want...To be seen as a man. I don't want to be thought of as lesser because of this body." 

"No one here would think of you any less because your sex at birth reflects both sets." Ristuka assured, "Everyone respects you as you are, Merlin." 

"...I don't understand where this frustration comes from. It's not from you or anyone else. Why does it come from me? I have never concerned myself with his others view me or my sex or gender or any trivial human matter. I'm the Mage of Flowers, my strength and wisdom was enough."

"...you once told me that you thought you'd become a little more human…" 

"That doesn't justify my sudden feelings of inadequacy! That doesn't explain why my skin is crawling! I'm Merlin. I shouldn't feel like this at all." He snapped, pulling his hand away. 

"Maybe you shouldn't...but you are and I want to help you. Any way I can...just let me know if something comes to mind ok?" Ritsuka offered and shifted to stand.

"I will let you have some time to yourself. Come find me if there is anything I can do or if you need to talk some more, ok?" Merlin glowered, looking away as she departed. Ritsuka knew there was little she could do to lift his spirits. His negative feelings were his own and if he felt like they were his to deal with then she would let him. All she had to offer was an open ear and possible suggestions that would allow him to enjoy the baths. 

Mash greeted her with a smile as she slipped into the hot water, the conversation with Martha pausing briefly before it continued. The water was a pleasant temperature that eased her aches and joints; it was wonderful. 

"Did you figure out what was bothering Merlin?"

"Sorta. It's complicated and I'm not at liberty to say." Ritsuka explained. Mash nodded and clued Ritsuka in to what they were discussing, different class manifestations and what triggered them and their theories. Mostly centered on how there were 4 different Cu Chulainn's and how it would get confusing pretty fast if they were ever in the same room and they often were.

A small ball of fluff approached, squeaking happily, Fou nuzzled her cheek before spinning in place and sitting expectantly.

"Oh, Fou I don't know if the hot springs are good for little creatures like you. Your fur would get all soggy-" she paused, noting the elegant Lily tucked into his fur. Ah, so Fou was the messenger.

"I'll be right back, Mash." She informed the Demi-Servant and toweled off before slipping into a robe in order to greet Merlin.

The Mage of Flowers was brooding outside the thicket of bamboo acting as a natural wall and divider between baths. 

"Everything ok?" Ristuka asked, noting his sour expression.

"..." Be glowered shifting from foot to foot

"I want to participate...but I can't think of a solution so...I'm open to suggestions." He mumbled. She smiled weakly and approached him carefully to rub his back soothingly.

"We can work something out. I promise." She assured just as her A-Team for Pagoda clearing was leaving the bath.

"I feel like I could clear another dozen floors!" Proto Cu boasted only for Helena to smack him angrily. 

"It's my magic giving you support, you can only clear it thanks to me!" She hissed; Ritsuka waved at them with a smile. A few servants waved back, others were too ingrained in chiding Cu for not giving them credit in the ordeal. 

Tomoe appeared behind them following after at a distance. She had been allowing them a private bath in order to unwind and relax after clearing a few floors. Which meant when they weren't using it there was a bath remaining empty; 

"Tomoe! I have a request." Ritsuka called catching the Archer's attention.

"Ah, Yes master?"

"The private bath, is it empty right now?" Ritsuka asked,

"Yes, why?" Tomoe frowned, glancing between Ritsuka and the A-Team still heading towards the Pagoda. 

"Could I possibly make use of it for a little while?" 

"Oh! Of course. It will take a few hours to clear the next set of floors so no hurry. Feel free to use it as you see fit." She nodded and hurried after the group. Ritsuka turned to Merlin with a grin,

"Ready to hit the baths?" The Caster's eyes widened and gave her a small nod. 

Ritsuka retrieved Mash from the Women's bath, Fou at their heels and met Merlin at the private bath; the young master only slightly exasperated to see him still fully clothed and standing off to the side. 

"I went to get Mash as an opportunity for you to get in without anyone looking…"

"...oh."

"It's fine, you look away and we'll get in, and then we'll look away so you can get in, sound fair?"

"It does." He replied, looking bashful which was an unfamiliar expression on the Mage.

"Ah, would you like help putting your hair up, Merlin?" Mash offered gesturing to the long tresses that almost touched the ground. He nodded, eyeing her cautiously as she approached. Using one of the spare hair ties she'd brought for other female servants they managed to get his hair up in a messy bun though it looked like it would snap any minute. 

"Alright, let's get back to it." Ritsuka gestured for Merlin to turn around while Mash and herself slid into the spring. It was a smaller hot spring but big enough for her designated group and the water was still a wonderful temperature. Mash sighed happily, leaning back onto the wall of the spring, submerged up to the neck while Ritsuka followed suit.

"Ok Merlin, we'll close our eyes and you can get in." She nudged Mash and they closed their eyes tight and waited for Merlin to tell them otherwise. 

"O-ok." Ritsuka opened her eyes and smiled; Merlin sat opposite them, fully submerged up to his shoulders looking pleased with the results. 

"The water feels amazing, doesn't it?" Mash questioned.

"It really does! I can see why humans and servants alike enjoy them…" he shifted lower, covering his shoulders. 

"It feels so good…" he mumbled, Ritsuka chuckled softly, happy that Merlin had been able to enjoy this at the very least. She doubted anyone would think this was special treatment, her servants were respectful and if asked she would just tell them Merlin wanted privacy. Simple as that, they probably wouldn't even pry. 

"...thank you, Master…"

"Are you feeling a little better?" 

"...sort of. I still feel…" his gaze flitted to Mash, "different. But being able to enjoy the bath is a plus."

"I'm here to listen if you ever want to talk more, ok?" Ritsuka assured and Merlin nodded in response to show his understanding. They stayed in a comfortable silence for a few long moments, Mash's hand finding Ritsuka's under the water, shyly intertwining their pinkies and keeping her blush even. All and all, things sorta worked out, while things with Merlin weren't entirely ok she was happy he was happy for the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, it's been a minute since I posted anything but I have playing too much FGo and getting lost in the lore. 
> 
> Like the Theory Merlin is the same person in every timeline, like Artoria's Merlin is also Proto Arthur's Merlin. Same being that easily slips between roles and genders I guess? But at the end of the day prefers being referred to as Male? I don't know, I probably could have written this better. 
> 
> I have dozens of WIPs and just need to finish them. Oof.


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